Here in the UK (I don’t know about other countries), Christmas Crackers are a great tradition. For the uninitiated, crackers contain a tacky little ‘toy’ (one of those fortune telling fish, a hairclip, a flippy frog, a comedy moustache, or if you get upmarket ones, nail clippers or a bottle opener), a paper hat and a ‘motto’ , i.e. a terrible joke.
In honour of this great tradition, Adrian Mole and Kodak Daye decided to tell a few cracker jokes of their own…
‘I say, I say I say. What do you get if you cross a kangaroo and a sheep?’
‘Wait for this one, Ady, you’re gonna love it…’
‘A woolly jumper!’
‘Call that a joke?’
‘How did you know my name?’
‘That’s… just not funny, Ady’.
‘OK, OK, I’ve got one. What’s black and white and red all over?’
‘A newspaper, geddit?’
‘I’m sorry, but that joke only works when spoken. When written down it doesn’t make any sense because although the words ‘read’ and ‘red’ sound a like, they look different’.
‘How about this one. What’s brown and sticky?’
‘C’mon Ady, our Gran could do better and she’s been dead since early 2010’.
‘OK, this one’s a good one. Why does Santa have three gardens?’
‘I don’t know. Why does Santa have three gardens?’
‘So he can ho(e), ho(e), ho(e). Look I even tried to make it work visually, too’.
‘Yeah, you failed. What lies at the bottom of the sea and shivers?’
‘A nervous wreck’.
‘Oh, COME ON. A nervous wreck! That’s funny, right?’
‘OK OK, this one is good. Why did the chicken cross the road?’
‘To get to the other side!!’
‘Oh, Ady. You slay me’.